Blind Date

First published: June 1997
Publication: his
Column/section: Dry Wit
Fake name used: JJ

When I was young and single (this was way back in the 80s), I constantly subjected myself to blind dates. Not that I was a desperate case or anything but the “is she a Raquel Welch or a Roseanne Barr” type of question always heightened the mystery and anticipation would turn the whole dating game into quite an experience.

There are several ways you can end up with a blind date. Some concerned friends may set you up or it might even be your long-lost penpal asking to meet you for the first time. For me, it was always a phone number of a girl given to me by a friend. So, most times, I would have at least one decent conversation with my blind dates before planning a rendezvous.

To tell you the truth, most of the blond dates that I have been through have been let downs. More often than not, the descriptions provided by my dates with regards to their looks would be an exaggeration and the lack of chemistry would be glaringly apparent from the start. Not that I only want to be seen with beautiful people but there really isn’t much honesty on the blind-dating scene.

So before you embark on a blind date yourself (this also applies to girls you pick up on the net), keep these few tips in mind:

Tip No 1
If she tells you that she’s not exactly a looker, then chances are, she’s not. Don’t be misled by her beautiful telephone voice (especially if she’s receptionist) and do not let your imagination get the better of you. If she says she’s ugly (to put it bluntly), believe her! And if she agrees to see you after only one invitation, then that confirms it. If a friend is setting you up, then the line to look out for is, “she’s got a great personality.” In this case, having a personality makes up for the lack in the other department, which is okay, if you’re into the ‘personality’ stuff.

Tip No 2
Again, if your blind date originates from a telephone number and the girl says she’s above average-looking, don’t get too excited. Once, this girl told me she was a Sheila Majid lookalike. Although she was four feet eleven and a half, her other vital stats were definitely ‘Sheila Majid material’. Another time, another prospective date told me she resembled a local artiste, but as expected, she was way off the mark.

The way I see it, the less a person talks about her looks, the better it is. So if a girl simply says, “I have soft lips and long hair but I’m okay-looking,” then there’s a possibility that she might turn out to be a babe. And the hint about the lips and long hair is to keep you interested. It creates a great sense of anticipation and that can be a teal turn on.

Tip No 3
The date should only comprise of a drink. It can be a teh tarik at the 223 stalls or a coke at one of the fancy hangouts in Bangsar. Forget about lunch, dinner, high tea or whatever. The wisdom behind this is that if you find the person to be really, really not your type, your date will only last a few minutes, okay – one hour tops. But if you allow your friends to set you up for a dinner, then you’d have to endure many excruciating hours of bad company and end up with a hefty bill. Some even call this a bad investment.

So, here’s what you do. Always mention (in a “by the way” manner) that you’re “busy nowadays” but “let’s go out for a drink”. If the date doesn’t work out, finish your drink quickly, glance at your watch and say something like, “I really have to get back to the office but it was nice meeting you,” and you’re free!

Tip No 4
The most important thing to remember, however, is that you should always behave like a gentleman. No matter how undesirable your blind date might turn out to be, do not run away like some lunatic. Always keep your composure. This includes your facial expression. Smile when you meet your date and do not break down in tears (even if she’s that undesirable). On the other hand, if she’s an MTV VJ type, do not let your tongue hang out.

Another thing, always wear what you’ve promised to wear. And if you’ve promised to hold a yellow carnation so she’ll know it’s you, make sure you find that yellow carnation. This is a sign of sincerity. Suppose your date turns out to be a real hot babe who appreciates honesty and you turn out wearing batik instead of the black T-shirt you said you would wear, she might get the impression that you only wanted to check her out from a distance and bolt at the first sign of trouble. And excuses like “I forgot my jeans were in the washing machine,” would not cut it.